just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
