hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
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she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
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If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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