i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
