I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
