I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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