i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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