Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
