Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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