very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
