sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize