Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
