oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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