it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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