I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
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I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
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Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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