Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
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