i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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