When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
