haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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