I'm gonna have a badass scar
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
