I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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