dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
