I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
