Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
