My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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