Do you still have your period?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
