Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
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He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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