It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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