im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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