I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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