if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
