And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
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this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
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A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed