i used baking grease as lip gloss
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize