NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
