i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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