Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
