Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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