he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
