Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
