SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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