She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Randomize
