His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
