i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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