I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
