oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
