Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
