just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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