What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
