Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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