i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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