I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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