oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
