Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
