lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
