Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
