I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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