i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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