Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
