plz talk dirty to me
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
