I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
