i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
