please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
