does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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