Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
