That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
