there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
