listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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