bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
