For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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